Mother of All Relays

Hood to Coast is fondly referred to as the Mother of All Relays! Someone at some point thought it would be an awesome idea to cram twelve people (14 in our case) into two vans and have them run 198 miles from Mt Hood to Seaside, Oregon. We began the "race" at the base of Mt Hood. I use the term race as loosely as possible since our finishing time was 32.5 hours and the winner finished in 17 hours. Our first runner, who we must dislike because we gave her, in my opinion, the hardest first leg of the entire relay. Wearing roller skates crossed her mind, as they would have doubled as rocket ships catapulting her down Mt Hood at speeds that would have broken sound barriers. A 10 minute/mile runner can often times be found sprinting at 6 minute/mile speeds. This may sound impressive, but the only thing more shocking is the look on the runners face when they realize they will have to slow their pace in order to hand off the slap bracelet. Runners of legs 2 and 3, although running at inclines much less than runner 1, didn't get off much easier. Which leads me to runner 4. She could be heard reminding anyone who would listen, that " People! I don't think you understand! I'm running the "Longest" leg of the first vans relay." I'm aware the metal given at the end will never make up for her logging these miles, but the bragging rights may. Runner 5, who is clinically insane for "choosing" to run a route that may have needed grappling on her first and third legs. I ran Leg 6 hoping to have any easy year. Hark! To my amazement I was in for a rude awaking. I have spent six years running this crazy relay. Always choosing the "hardest" legs.. Of course go big or go home. I have learned a very valuable lesson this year. NONE OF THESE LEGS ARE EASY. I'm not sure if the person writing the Handbook has taken a moment to logs the miles on their own body, but if they have and they are still giving any of them a rating of "easy." They as well as Runner 5 are clinically insane.

Our first of three trade offs went off without a hitch. What I mean by that is: no one had to duck into the bushes halfway through their run, everyone was fully hydrated, no one was clawing anyone's eyes out and we found a replacement van when ours decided to sh$# the bed. Oh what a morning it was! Good luck Van 2. We wish you good tidings and fast feet!

Fully fueled and ready to embark on round two! The night run. Good news is if you have to "use the rest room" half way through your leg no one will see you duck in the bushes and the fright you will give someone jumping out cover of night may make them pee their pants. Bad news is, where the Heck is the road?! What was that?! Is someone in the bushes?! How much farther is it?! Did I miss a turn? Where am I?! Am I running up a flipping mountain? Why does it feel like I'm running up a mountain?! Second hand off and we are out. Van 2 is on their way.

Was that a nap? Did I sleep? Were my eyes actually closed? Am I seriously expected to run again? For the love of everything that is holy. I have three children and I have survived many a sleepless nights and I do not recall ever having the desire to burn a few extra mid morning calories when I feel like someone slapped me in the face with a two by four. Oh the fun of this race. We have gotten to the point of the "race" where EVERYONE is standing in lines for Porta Potties that smell like something died in them. I actually heard people applauding the Porta Potty men like they were NBA stars when they came to clean. I'm not sure how they could possibly make the smell worse while cleaning, but kid you not, they did. High five to the people who put the Porta Potty next to my "shoot" to start my last leg. Yay for me I can pee. Nay for me I can't breathe. At this point I will run as fast as you would like to which ever location has running water, a comfy bed, electricity, and actual food that has to be cooked. As I made my way to my final hand off to Van 2 I felt like the 1950's Looney Toons Road Runner whose legs are moving so quickly they look like circles. "Sweet Caroline! Bum Bum Bum! Good times never seemed so good!" Done and Done. This is what I know. Van 2 is on their way and I have 198 day of rest!

http://www.hoodtocoast.com/race-information
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vhFnTjia_I "Sweet Caroline"