Community Leads to Honesty

Honesty is a characteristic we spend very little time forging in the fire. Allowing yourself to be honest with another means opening yourself up for someone not agreeing with you. It makes you vulnerable, exposed and defenseless. We all can agree, we would mark honestly as a trait we want in our relationships. However, do we really. I mean really, are we prepared for honesty? We try to be honest. We are taught to be honest. And yet we are never taught to receive an honest answer. Quite frankly we just plain don't want to hear it. We aren't prepared for disagreement and for some reason we take it as a call to arms when someone tells us something we don't want to hear.  Some of us have perfected the fine art of smiling and shrugging when our friends give us an honest answer. But allow an honest answer from Joe Shmoe in the parking lot of Not-a-Ceiling-Nor-A-DoorMart and there may be a throw down.

I have a theory...

Here is the problem...Community. We have very little of this connection any more. We drop our kids off at school and then rush to work. We punch the proverbial clock in and out and then rush back home. We may swing by the grocery store and pick up dinner. Heads buried in our grocery lists. Concerned mainly with the little 'ol lady that has parked her cart in the middle of aisle nine. With a huff we swerve around her b'lining it to check stand number "shortest line." Paper or plastic has replaced, "Hi, how are you doing?" And off we go. We race through the parking lot to get back to the safety of home. Our phones and computers become our connection. A text instead of a phone call of course. We couldnt' possibly be interrupted in the middle of doing nothing. 

Life Experiment

I've spent the better part of the last year determining what is truly important to me. Private school or public? Work or stay-at-home mom? Church or web cast? Book club or independent writing? I longed to be happy. Less stressed. More fulfilled and worthy of the air I breathed. I began to volunteer. I nurtured the relationships I had instead of always feeling the need to be everyone's friend. I made it a point to make it to meetings I had committed to and I stopped multitasking while parenting. I started shopping at my locally owned grocery store and produce stand. And you know what I realized? I longed for community. I was less defensive and more open to others opinions. I saw more communication in these stores. More eye contact and certainly more smiles. Yes, there is still the grumpy shopper that wants to be left alone, but I noticed a difference in my demeanor.

Now don't go getting all worked up thinking I am asking you to never shop at...we will refer to them as Priceco and Not-a-Ceiling-Nor-A-DoorMart. I certainly couldn't be expected to buy my toilet paper at grocery store prices. But here is what you can do to make little changes where you are and where you shop, live and work.

Those people in aisle 21 buying spaghetti sauce in bulk and blocking the way for anyone to pass with their four children live in your community. Or as least near your community. The next time you are tempted to storm past them in a huff because you are in a hurry to go no where fast, stop and acknowledged they exist. Say excuse me to the children because however short they may be, they can still hear and learn from your behavior. Smile at the mother or father who will now go home to make their little ones spaghetti for dinner. The guy at your office that seemed to always have an angry chip on his shoulder and has a bumper sticker stating he votes for the elephant, donkey or Earth. You have a rainbow and he has a thunder cloud. You two couldn't possibly be more different or from different communities, right?! And yet you both work in the same building. Shop at the same grocery store and oddly enough attend the same church! How can this be. You have such different views and yet we find connection and community where we thought it couldn't exist.

We are in this together and once we realize that we all have worries, cares, fears, inconveniences, hurried days, wants, joys, hurts, hopes and dreams it will be much easier to have patience, kindness, greetings, smiles and honesty to share.