Monday, April 21, 2014

Facebook Etiquette

You've been there! I've been there! We've certainly all been there! The time vortex of Facebook. We spend nothing short of half our lives spying on others lives. Yes, I realize it is a heck of a lot safer than sitting outside of their house to see what your friend is eating for dinner. And it's certainly a whole lot more socially acceptable than following their kids to the latest birthday party, field trip or church visit to see how freaking adorable they are! 'Cause they are! We love love love to see what others are doing.

But...

Lets be clear! I have done this and so have you, so don't lie. It's kinda like Photoshop for models. We take pictures of ourselves only to transfer, process, or fade it. Which ever makes us look the best. Auto correct and red eye reduce and crop because, why on earth does my arm look so fat! Does my arm always look that fat? Excuse me while I go check. I'm sure someone from my graduating class will see this and be thrilled to see that I have fat arms now. Let me assure you. It's ok to be you. It's alright to be caught allowing your stomach to buldge just a little. Posting this will make the rest of the world take a sigh of relief. We are all normal, untouched-up, un-cropped, awkward at times. Now if I'm mid scream with one eye half shut eating a donut don't you dare post that!

And with the fear of sharing the real us we also share too much. Seriously too much! We think our bosses aren't looking on our Facebooks when we call in sick for work to see why. They are and those photos you didn't post but your bestie did are incriminating. No you wont be seeing the inside of the slammer...hopefully, but you risk losing your job or at the very least your bosses respect. You post what you ate. What you didn't eat. What you drank and whoops what you drank too much of. You post who you are pissed at, who you are in love with and who flipped you off on the highway, but it wasn't your fault. Lets be honest sometimes it's our fault. Reign it in people. Once it's out there we can't take it back. So just like you were told as a child. At least I hope you were told this as a child. Filter your thoughts before you say them! Filter your Facebook!

Mom's and Dads, yes, your kids are super adorable. However, taking a picture of Johnny in the tub sans any clothes is not a good idea. The world wide web is certainly not a place you want to be placing photos of your cute little bundle with nothing but suds on his heiney no matter how cute those dimples are. Ok, as a mother it's super funny when you see a little one decide to pee right in the middle of the park. However, whipping out your phone and posting your class clown on the net, also not a good idea.

And to those of you posting on behalf of others... if you have a friend and would like to keep said friend. Do not post a picture just because you look hot and she or he does not. I'm not sure there is a word in the dictionary that would describe how she or he will feel. Unless pissed off is in the dictionary!

We get it! You rock and we do not. You finished 57 things all before the sun came up. We wish we could however, here is what you are doing for yourself. SETTING THE BAR TOO HIGH!!!!! You will swiftly become the mom who is asked to make 147 cupcakes for the bake sale that starts in 3 hours; the dad who certainly has enough time for t-ball coaching, the local big brother program and your sons best friends, brothers Eagle Scout Project. Best to to keep the humble bragging or just plain straight up bragging to a minimum.

Now as you all think I have just checked out your Facebook pages and are talking directly to you. Please draw your attention down to the hysterical Facebook posts I found. PS Spelling and punctuation matter.

Your words can say so much more than you think!


Spelling and punctuation matter! Particularly when you are taking the time to insult others. Oops!

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