Here's What I Learned

Learning something new about yourself can and usually is difficult. It is usually wrapped in the disguise of an action or event you have just gone through. Often it takes time to realize what you have learned....

2013

Every year I write an account of the previous year in hopes of looking back and learning from the past. This year I found myself hitting my first ever, writer's block. I couldn't find what I had to learn from 2013. I didn't welcome a baby into the world. There were no packing of boxes to celebrate a new home. I hadn't graduated college or gotten married. I was reaching for the positive to learn from. Unfortunately I was having a hard time with finding the easy, the positive, the rose colored past I wanted to use to inspire others.

I celebrated 10 years of marriage. It was not an easy year and I looked forward to not looking back. I celebrated the big 33 (Go Larry Bird!), but found myself wondering what I had to aspire to become. I had no clear cut path to 34 and was terrified  I ran my first and second marathon in hopes of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I failed. May brought a life sentence of gluten free and a stigma I wished I could hide from. I marched into June and August and felt the heart break and loss of control while I watched paramedics and doctors work tirelessly to stabilize my youngest from his seizures. I thought I would never get through in one piece. I learned to live on less while saying goodbye to two jobs. And I became a stay at home rip your hair out teach your children and yourself patience mom. Boy was it a year....

It's April some of you will notice. "Don't you think it's a bit late to recap 2013?" For goodness sake it's well into 2014. Sometimes learning takes time. On a very long and ridiculously difficult run this morning I realized something that made 2013 make so much more sense. Sometimes, oh frankly most of the time, learning takes pain. The year 2013 will hold hurts and heartbreaks for me, honestly more than I thought I could handle.

Here's what I learned...

I am strong. I mean really strong. Stronger than I thought I could be and certainly stronger than I wanted to be. I survived LIFE. Hard, cold ridiculous to deal with, don't want to get out of bed life. And so did the rest of you. 2013 made me happy for 2014. I am a smarter and more determined runner who puts in the time and energy to be better but is okay if better is already my best. I am a harder worker. I am a more patient mother. I am a loyal and crazy wife. I have compassion for those that feel heartbreak from a sick child. I judge the nutrition choices of others far less than I ever have. I put in the time and energy to simply survive 2013 and am happy today that I did.

So...

 No matter what 2014 holds. I know I am strong enough to make it. Life may get worse and it might get better, but it's life and today I can chalk it up to some extra learning.