Find Your Voice

Finding your voice is never easy. Some of us have found it and then through loose clenched fists, it slipped away. Others, fearful of finding what it has to say, refuse to acknowledge it is there. Some find it hard to hear over the droning of this world. And those who have found it and seemed to have held tight, may have found themselves using it as a weapon instead of a tool.

As a young child I remember being afraid to speak. I remember not wanting to make my own choices. I wanted others to speak for me and make my own decisions. I was okay with following a path on the map to my future. Making decisions was scary. Thinking on my own and allowing others to hear what on the inside was paralyzing.  However, when I found a voice I was unable to control it. Speaking loudly allowed me to get a point across. What point, I wasn't quite sure. All I knew is I wanted to be heard. My voice was left unchecked and unfiltered. Honesty cloaked by sarcasm became a weapon to protect me. Loud and funny became my shield. And sadly, my true voice lie quiet, hoping for a debut some day. I found myself allowing others to walk my walk and lead me where they felt "my journey" was destined. I stuck up of for myself, never. And found "no" was a five letter word with the last three letters silent. And yet I became others' voice in the darkness. However, what I didn't realize was, that instead of allowing them to find their own voice I merely became their vehicle of change without allowing them the joy of finding their own symphony.

Don't get me wrong, being the verbal hero to those who are lost and quiet is a valiant and noble venture. However, shielding the hurts often times robs someone of the joy of standing firmly on their own two feet, announcing who they are in this crazy, loud and chaotic world.

At 33, I feel like I am finding who I am. Some areas I don't like and others, that I have fervently tried to change, I realize I like quite nicely. I have begun to allow myself to see that although I may not walk the journey set out for me at a young age by others; I will walk and sometimes run the path I have forged for myself. Someone once said, (Thank you Ross Matthews)"Learning who you aren't is just as important as learning who you are."

I have found my voice. I may be loud and unfiltered at times. I may say things you don't want to hear. My loud and energetic may clash with your quiet and serene. Sadly, I may (WILL) sing out of tune or in the wrong key. However, I have found what is important in this confusing world. I found me.

My hope for you in this world where others will assure you, they know what you need and should want, that you find your voice. High pitched, squeaky, perfectly in time, gargling gravel, rough, too big, too little, too loud or too quiet. I hope you find it and you realize, it's just right.

~Kristen
liveinspiredpdx.com